'DOJ Announces Initiative To Deploy Smartphone-Carrying Bystanders To Nation’s Streets' in The Onion

"WASHINGTON—Saying the measure was necessary to improve public safety, the Department of Justice announced Wednesday afternoon that it intends to deploy thousands of additional smartphone-carrying bystanders to the nation’s streets. “We believe increasing the presence of eyewitnesses with smartphones in our neighborhoods will go a long way toward ensuring justice is being served in our communities,” said Attorney General Eric Holder, adding that while the department intends to strategically place onlookers on street corners, in parks, and around other public spaces throughout the country, high-risk urban neighborhoods would likely receive the greatest surge in passersby ready to document any misconduct."

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